Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
