Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
