she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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