how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
