he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
