I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
