I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
