I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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