Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize