Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
handjob tips. give me some.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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