Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
