the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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