how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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