I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
