I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
