What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Randomize
