Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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