Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
