my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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