your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
