the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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