they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
3 2 1 whiskey
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
