Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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