so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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