Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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