I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
