I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
