can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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