Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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