I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drunk is not a location!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
