so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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