i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
