no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
