There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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