i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
