I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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