I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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