I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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