I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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