there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
