guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
