hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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