I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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