by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
