i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
