holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
