this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
