I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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