omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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