On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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