How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
