She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you never un-have a 4some
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
