Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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