I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
