then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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