The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
