It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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