Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
