It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
