I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
